That statement has been a long time coming in my subconscious and finally this morning’s dream delivered up what I had been waiting over three years to hear.
It was the usual attending meetings at the Kingdom Hall and somehow not being noticed by the rank and file or elders as being the apostate in the room. Brothers and sisters talk to me and behave as if I never left at all.
At a point in the dream I think to myself that I’m going to have to tell them because I honestly don’t want to stay with them any longer and since they are clearly out of date with my current activities I’d better inform them and move on. This time there was a change, as I was standing outside the Hall an elder I knew for years in my home congregation makes an appearance. This was an elder I really respected and he did look out for me back in the day when I was a Witness. I don’t respect him as much as I did back then, my opinion of him has changed but I suppose in my subconscious he was still that ‘gold standard’ of an elder.
He stops me and says that if I just came to the meetings more regularly I could then ask to be reinstated. Why don’t I just make that effort? I try to answer him politely but he immediately turns away, so I mildly scold by telling him that it was very rude to just turn away from me when I was still talking. He accepts that and agrees and stops to properly listen to me. It is right then that I say those important words. “I’m not coming back.” The looks on his face changes from concern to poison and turns on his heel and marches back into the Kingdom Hall.
I stand there, slightly stung by the abruptness but overall really relieved that ‘they’ finally know that it’s over and done with. There is NO hope I will ever return. My subconscious has made the connection and the lightness I feel is tangible.
It has taken over three years but my dream mind has finally got the message. 🙂